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Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Deconstruction


It will come as no surprise to anyone who has ever laid eyes on me that Mrs. Chatterbox is a “foodie.” She’s an avid fan of cooking shows like Top Chef, Chopped, and Iron Chef. I have little reason to complain. For forty years she has prepared meals for me, and she has labored heroically to bring new dishes and cuisines to our dinner table.


My only complaint is that she usually prepares too much food. I’m an enthusiastic eater but I’m not a mess hall. She has a tendency to overfeed things. This is why I refuse to adopt a greyhound from the animal shelter. I can just hear a veterinarian saying to me, “You know, Mr. Chatterbox, these dogs aren’t supposed to weigh two hundred pounds!”


The latest trend sweeping the world of TV chefs, and many of the finer restaurants near you, is the “deconstructed” dish. In the past few weeks I’ve sat on the couch beside Mrs. C. and watched chefs create deconstructed lasagna, deconstructed burritos and deconstructed strawberry shortcake. Frankly, when I go to a restaurant I want the chef to actually make something for me. I don’t want it in pieces with instructions from my waiter on how to assemble it. This isn’t what I’m paying for.


A waiter recently gave me a lecture on how to enjoy a deconstructed martini. Enough is enough! Martinis shouldn’t come with directions. There are times when instructions can be useful, like when you’re chained to a ticking time bomb and need help deciding which wires need to be cut, but slamming a martini should be self explanatory.


Who thought up this crazy idea? I don’t think it’s catching on in any other professions. Can you imagine someone contacting an architect and saying, “Yeah, I’d like you to deconstruct a house for me.” Certainly not in medicine: “Yes, doctor, I’d like you to deconstruct my hernia operation.”


In a few days Mrs. Chatterbox and I are going to a fancy new restaurant specializing in gourmet hamburgers. I like my burgers simple; a hint of pink in the middle, no fancy Italian bun, no chutney or curry sauce, just mustard, catsup and maybe a few grilled onions. And remember all you fancy “foodies” out there willing to tamper with perfection—Wimpy never had to reassemble his own hamburger in a restaurant, and neither should I.

18 comments:

  1. Ha! I'm in agreement. If you pay for food, it should come fully assembled.

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  2. So deconstructed food is they give you the ingredients and you put it together? Why would I want to pay anyone for that? I mean I could just go to Wal-Mart if I want ingredients for things.

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  3. I agree, too. It's like fondue. They bring you the ingredients and that big 'ol pot those skinny little forks and expect you to make your own, yet they want to charge like they did all the work. The nerve of those people! :)

    S

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  4. Craziness....I am constantly amazed by the willingness of people to follow a trend because some marketer tells them it's the hip and happening thing to do. I am with you. If I am paying for someone else to prepare my food...prepare it already. I don't get paid to assemble it.

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  5. Sorry, but if I remember correctly, Wimpy never had a hamburger, he always had cheeseburgers. Which he will pay for next Tuesday.

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  6. Deconstruction = desperation for a new gimmick IMHO. But oh, please, please tell me, your wife isn't going to cook that cute little chick is she?

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  7. I think these folks ran out of ideas so now you have deconstruction of this and deconstruction of that. Just my two cents.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  8. Catsup? As a condiment... really?
    I suppose if it's homemade, it alright, but not store bought.

    Deconstructed sounds like a buffet that's not a buffet. Just another way to up the price

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  9. I've never heard of this... hope it stays on your side of the Pond!!! I was going to ask for an explanation, but on second thought -- nevermind!

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  10. My Sweetie would say the same as you. He doesn't want to have to fight to get to his food, or to get it prepared, he just wants to eat it.

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  11. Deconstructed food is way too much fiddlin' around for me. I'm in total agreement with you, though I do love the same foodie programs your wife does.

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  12. Tag, you're it. See my latest post for details :)

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  13. I was told from small not to play with my food. Now they want to make me.

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  14. Building a good martini is an art. Deconstructing a martini should be criminal,

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  15. there's a comedy quiz show on the radio here called "I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue" and some years ago Willie Rushden (a now deceased wit) was asked to complete the sentence "too many cooks..."

    With no hesitation he said "...on television"

    The absolute best cookery show on TV is Come Dine With Me - where four, or sometimes five, people take it in turns to cook for one another and judge the meals in secret. The narrator, Dave Lamb, is comedy genius.

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  16. AAh, my new bloggy friend, you ARE funny! (and I forgive you for not being able to find an appropriate picture for catherine in the post above. I'm thinking you'd get an NC17 (if not XXX) rating around many of these parts for posting anything with a naked nympho, chains and a horse!! (even if they were deconstructed!)
    I'm mixing posts for your amusement, BTW. You're welcome. ;o)
    I'm thinking you should get back into art and start the trend of the deconstructed painting. We send you a few markers, two tubes of paint, a cheap assed paintbrush and a piece of very nice paper. Oh, and a photograph with instructions on how to assemble. I'm thinking the retail price would be around $1100, cheap for good art. And we only make good art.
    Have a great day Mr. Chatterbox, tell your lovely wife to keep on cooking, it's such a lost art!
    Best,
    Jenn of www.JustAddWaterSilly.com

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  17. Kind of explains pulled pork. That's probably where it all started.

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