Monday, December 26, 2011

Free Range Turducken

     Another Christmas has come and gone and I’m sitting here staring at the tree and already thinking about the complicated process of taking it down, boxing up the delicate ornaments, folding up the tree skirt and all the other things that make our tree pretty.
     Mrs. Chatterbox once had a crazy aunt who one year took a piece of plywood, nailed roller skates to it and used it as a Christmas tree platform. The decorated tree was kept in the garage under a tarp and on December 1st she’d kick it in from the garage and roll it into position in the living room. A week after Christmas she’d roll it back to the garage and throw the tarp back over it. Mrs. Chatterbox’s crazy aunt is starting to seem like a genius.
     An hour ago Mrs. Chatterbox, who’s far more organized than I am, asked me what I wanted for New Years Day dinner. I’m still stuffed from the delicious Christmas prime rib, and we’ve yet to polish off the Honey Baked ham we enjoyed on Christmas Eve. There’s also platters of Mrs. Chatterbox’s incredible Christmas cookies scattered about requiring my attention. But back to the problem of what to eat on New Years Day.
     We’re not adventuresome like Anthony Bourdain, not interested in nibbling on sloth rectum fried on sticks, but it does seem like we’ve eaten our way through most of the traditional dishes: pork, turkey, chicken, etc. But we’ve never had them altogether. “I blurted out, “What about a turducken?”
     “Turducken?” she said.
     “Yeah. You know, a turkey breast stuffed with a duck that’s been stuffed with a
chicken. And I think the chicken is then stuffed with pork dressing.”
     She wrinkled her nose. “I know what it is. That’s what you want?”
     Turducken was something I’d wanted to scratch off my bucket list, that and roast beast from Whoville, hand carved by the Grinch.
     I nodded and Mrs. Chatterbox is determined to procure me a turducken. That woman spoils me terribly. Incidentally, I was thin when we met.
      “Be sure it’s a free range turducken,” I joked. She didn’t smile.
     At the moment she’s making phone calls to local grocery stores and butchers, but this year turduckens are rare as chupacabras. Mrs. Chatterbox is no quitter and she’ll make this thing herself if need be, which makes me feel guilty requesting it.
     Since I’ve unwittingly put my wife to so much trouble, I ask you, my friends and readers, have you ever had a turducken? Was it any good? What did you pay for it, and was it worth the price? Let me know as quickly as you can or New Years Eve feathers will be flying as I help my wife pound a chicken and a duck into a turkey.


  1. I've never had one. I was fascinated when I first heard about them but over time the appeal has faded. I've also heard they're wickedly expensive.

  2. Make sure you get a photograph for sounds intiguing, SP

  3. I've never heard of it before now and it doesn't sound all that good. We are boating into one of our yacht clubs for a New Years eve party and I've not a clue what's on the menu. So, let us know how the turducken is.

    Have a terrific day. :)

  4. Personally, I don't think I'd eat anything that began with "turd..."

  5. Hee hee, I'm with Linda ... no offense, but it sounds disgusting!

  6. I never have... but Im like you. I have always wanted to try it. Let us know what you thought of it!

  7. That sounds deplorably gross. But have a Happy New Year anyway. Eep...turducken.

  8. I'm not big on duck, so I'll pass, too. I've heard of them before now, but never seen one in the the feathers. Give us your review, please? ;)


  9. You are in for a culinary adventure.
    btw can you imagine the meat cutter's reaction if you were to ask for
    sloth rectum? Still chuckling over that.

  10. I've had Turducken but a few doses of Penicillin and I was good as new again. ;)

  11. I think it was John Madden who first made me aware of turducken. I've seen it prepared on the Food Networkd (Diners, Drive-ins and Dives). There is still nothing about it that creates any excitement. It seems pretty fowl to me.

  12. I once had chicken wrapped in ham, or vice versa, at a fancy restaurant. But I'm more a McDonald's kind of guy, and the "turducken" sounds like something The Boy would eat.

    HuffPo had these extreme recipes that you might like:

  13. We got a new artificial tree this year, and my wife demanded pre-lit so she could avoid the putting-on-the-lights hassle. First thing she did was take off the lights and put her own on. Hopefully we can just bag this little tree and have it all done for next year.
    Turducken? Nope, no desire here.

  14. No tree or turducken. I feel so depraved. Deprived. You choose.

  15. I haven't, but the family pooch routinely dines on canned, yep, you got it, turducken. (he's old and picky)
    I'm still drooling over the honey baked ham so you'll have to post a pic of your feast. Happy New Year

  16. I've not had it myself -- but my closest friend had it for Christmas last year and said it was incredibly delicious. It was the most expensive item in the Marks and Spencer's catalogue and cost the equivalent of $150. Here it is called a 'bustard' and made of Turkey, goose, duck and guinea fowl!