Wednesday, December 28, 2011

What Drink Knocks You On Your Ass?

     New Year’s Eve is rapidly approaching and Mrs. Chatterbox, who isn’t much of a drinker, and I toast at midnight with a glass of something festive, champagne or my old standby—martinis.
     My folks weren’t imaginative drinkers; they liked Ancient Age (whiskey) mixed with Seven-Up, which became my drink of choice when I headed off to college. I’ve tried over the years to drink beer like a real man but I just don’t like the taste of hops. I have no such problem with the hard stuff.
     Shortly after I got married my new father-in-law, a retired Army colonel and one-time bartender, took my wife aside and told her, “I can’t stand it that Steve only drinks bourbon & seven. Since you two aren’t driving anywhere tonight I’m going to expose him to another drink.”
     I didn’t hear the exchange but I’m sure she giggled and said, “Okay, Daddy.”
     Later that evening my bride and I were invited to join Mr. and Mrs. P. in the study. He poured a clear concoction into a chilled, long-stemmed glass and capped it with an olive speared by a tiny plastic sword. My first martini! I had no idea I was to be the evening’s entertainment.
     With all eyes on me, I took a big gulp. This new drink was…absolutely marvelous. I swallowed the rest in one gulp. My father-in-law poured me another, but cautioned, “You’d better sip it slowly. These have a habit of sneaking up on you.”
     He quit drinking after three martinis and the only entertainment that evening was watching Mrs. P. help him up the stairs. After I’d consumed another three martinis, Mrs. Chatterbox led me to bed. I seem to recall being interested in something else that evening—once we were alone in our room—but the only thing I could firm up was my enthusiasm. Nevertheless, martinis have been my drink of choice since then. (If anyone’s interested I’m willing to share my recipe for the world’s best martini. It’s easier than you might think.)
     On a recent trip to Mexico with our son CJ, we wandered into a bar at dusk. I was about to order my usual. CJ ordered first, something called an AMF.
     “What’s an AMF?” I asked.
     “I don’t think it’s for you, Dad,” CJ said.
     “What’s in it?”
     “Everything,” he said. “AMF stands for Adios, Mother Fucker.”
     There was the hint of a challenge in his tone. “Make it two,” I told the bartender.
     Three AMFs later I realized the drink was aptly named. How I walked back to our hotel is a mystery, but I did discover a new drink. The things we learn from our children.
     What was the last drink to knock you off your ass? Tell me about it. I have a full bar waiting and I’m ready to experiment.


  1. I try to never drink so much that anything knocks me on my ass. However, I do remember one time years ago sitting at Pat O'Brians in the New Orleans French Quarter when I had 3 sweet-tasting Hurricanes. SBD's they called them. Sweet But Deadly. Aptly named.


  2. Champagne is the only alcohol I actually enjoy. The only beer I came close to liking was Corona, but it didn't like me very much.

    If you really want to get knocked on your ass maybe you should get some absinthe. I think Hemingway used to drink that overseas.

  3. I was scotch neat and on my birthday. Everyone bought me a shot and I tried very hard to drink them all. My girlfriends drove me home and put me to bed. I don't remember any of it. I woke up the next morning naked and wondered how I got there. Not good. It took me three days to feel good again. I never missed a minute of work either. I was in my 20s and that's never been repeated.

    Have a terrific day. :)

  4. anything really sweet will eventually put me on a bar top with my shirt off
    at least in the old days they did
    sweet drinks really sneak up on ya!!

    I will boast to having an amazing tolerance for spirits and it really takes a lot

    I'm not a beer person either, red wine is my daily pleasure

    thanks so much for your visit
    I love your blog :)

  5. There's a post I wrote a while back titled "Death by Chocolatini" I know it was the evening's mixtures that set me up and the chocolate martini that was the final nail in my coffin. I'm going to have to go back now and reread myself as I can't remember the details. Anytime a NewYork Hotel bartender is surprised to see you again is not a good sign.

  6. It was a hurricane... but not the Pat O'Brien's version. It was made from scratch, only took one, and I fell off my lawn.

  7. Haven't had a drink in 21 years, but Black Russians used to do me in fairly quickly.

  8. Ouzo, straight up. Not only did it kick my ass, but it made me so violently ill (after about a half quart) that, to this day, I cannot even smell ouzo without becoming ill.

  9. German Schnapps, shooters! Way too many of them between beers. Just after my brother died. Learned a lot about self medication that night. The healing from that session took a couple of days.

    But for finer things, I'm a dry vodka martini fan.
    Anejo tequila with a little pomegranate shaken over ice is also a nice alternative.

    Can't do Schnapps anymore though.


  10. For me its Long Islands..... similar in strength to the AMF.... but they just go down so easy. And yes after about three its time to firm up only my pillow!

  11. Stingers--made with creme-de-menthe and brandy as I recall--my father introduced me to them and proceeded to get so drunk that he passed out on the floor with a tiny smile curling at his lips---haven't had one since.
    Great post, by the way...

  12. When I was very young many years ago a friend gave me a bottle of Port. Not only was I young, I was also stupid and inexperienced and thought port was just another bottle of wine. I drank most of the bottle -- in one sitting and the next morning was ready to give up the ghost. Nowadays I have to be very cautious as I have type 2 diabetes and limit myself to one or two medium size glasses of a white wine -- occasionally! And once in a great while I may have a whiskey with lots of rocks or if I've really been good a bit of Grand Marnier -- my absolute favourite!

  13. My friends and I were out, celebrating my Birthday.. after having drunk what I considered to be well enough, they introduced me to "Long Island Iced Teas"... two of them...

    Kahlua is my poison though.. I drink those babies like choc milk! :)

  14. Also, I can't even smell Bourbon without shuddering at the memory of my "Wild Turkey night"...

  15. To this day its the Long ISland Ice Tea. Friends took me out on my 21st birthday and, thinking it was a chick drink, I got snockered on them. My friends kept buying them and lining them up for me.

  16. Let's just put it this way: I can no longer do shots of vodka OR tequila. Makes my hair stand on end just thinking about it.

    What?! Us northerly folk do enjoy our liquor.

    My new drink? Dirty Martini, and the dirtier (olive juice) the better. That's my winter drink. My summer drink is a gin and tonic, extra limes, please.

    And I can, and will, drink beer until we run out.



  17. This post just begs for a response.
    I'm not sure there was (because I don't drink now) any specific drink that knocked me on my ass. But there were any number of them that turned me into an ass.
    There weren't too many 'adult beverages' that I didn't enjoy. In this case too many has more than one connotation.

  18. Ha! Enthusiasm!

    Saki, White Russian, a good white wine, or a martini work the worry out of me. In that order, specifically. Never to excess, but on one occasion I could have sworn the week begins on a Monday.

  19. I recall being on a cruise and having never had a tequila shot, our kids were determined to make sure I had that experience! I figured why not since we were driving or operating heavy equipment of any kind. At any rate, the bartender poured me what appeared to be the equivalent of a tumbler full of tequila. I downed the elixir and sat there and said "What's the big deal about that?" A short time later I could hear Gloria Estefan's "Come on move your body baby do the Conga" and proceeded to lead a conga line around the upper deck of the ship with many of the passengers joining least that's what I'm told! Don't remember much after that, except the horrible feeling the next morning! Haven't touched a tequila shot since, however, I do still enjoy a margarita!

  20. Ah, memories of long ago. Ouzo, but over in Greece with the real stuff they don't import.
    So, what's the martini recipe? My wife is into Lemon Drop martinis right now, fortunate it's lemon season around here and we can get fresh off the tree free.

  21. A Rusty Nail is my drink to avoid. Talk about sneaking up on you.. especially when you nod to the offered top ups but swear you don't remember agreeing to them. It's equal parts of Scotch and Drambuie.

  22. Long Island Ice Tea has been know to knock me out! Good stuff, though! I'm visiting from Best Post of the Week.

  23. Now 1st time ever in Internet World, Facebook Earning program has been Launch, Now you Car earn money online with Just use Facebook and earn unlimited. Post a Picture on Facebook and Get $0.07 per Post.