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Monday, February 27, 2012

Goosie and Bonkers


When CJ was five, I took him with me to pick up some dry cleaning. He asked if we could check out the pet store next door. He enjoyed having his little fingers licked by puppies and kittens when he stuck his fingers into their cages, but the goldfish captured his attention most. There was a big tank with ten goldfish for a buck. CJ begged for two fish. Since they were cheap, and flushable, I said yes. By the time we left the store, I’d spent nearly thirty dollars for a bowl and gravel, fish food and the coolest little castle CJ had ever seen. CJ held the plastic bag containing the two fish and tried his best to keep the water from jiggling as we drove home.


He named them Goosie and Bonkers, for reasons known only to him. They lived for a while on top of our TV. One day Mrs. Chatterbox and I were going over bills in the kitchen, a situation not made any easier by my unnecessary purchase of two little freeloaders in a goldfish bowl, when CJ came up to me and said, “Daddy, could you not talk so loud ‘cause Goosie and Bonkers are sleeping.”


Uh-oh! I went to check and Goosie and Bonkers were belly up in the water. They were asleep alright, eternal sleep! I didn’t have the emotional energy to explain “death” to CJ, so when Mrs. C. was reading to him I flushed the two dead fish and went back to the pet store to purchase another Goosie and Bonkers.


A few days later CJ again asked me to keep my voice down because his goldfish were taking another nap. I checked; once again Goosie and Bonkers had flat-lined. I performed another flushing ceremony and headed for the pet store where I chose a heartier and more expensive set of replacements. As I drove home, I noticed that the new guys didn’t look much like the old Goosie and Bonkers. I hoped CJ wouldn’t notice.


He didn’t, but a few days later these fish joined the others. I should have explained to CJ that things are dead when they take certain kinds of naps, but I chickened out and headed back to the pet store. This time I took no chances and bought the most expensive goldfish available, fish so hearty that they were declared environmental pests in certain parts of Asia. They bore no resemblance to the original Goosie and Bonkers.


These poor creatures suffered the same fate as the others. I could no longer postpone the inevitable; it was time to tell CJ the truth, or get a bank loan to buy more fish. CJ came into the family room and spotted the empty bowl. “Daddy, where are Goosie and Bonkers?”


Mrs. C. busied herself in the kitchen, but she was listening to every word. I proceeded carefully, not wanting to shatter our little boy’s bubble of innocence. “Come here, CJ; Daddy wants to talk to you.”


He approached and I scooped him up and put him on my knee. “I need to tell you something.”


“Yes, Daddy?”


My throat suddenly went dry.


I could see the tears in Sue’s eyes---she was such a softy! We’d been married long enough for me to be able to read her mind; she was cautioning me to tread carefully.


“I need to tell you something about Goosie and Bonkers.”


“Yes, Daddy?” He looked just like a blue-eyed Hummel.


“You noticed that they’re not in their bowl?”


“Uh-huh. Where are they?”


The moment of truth had come. It was time to be honest with him. “Here’s the thing,

CJ, there’s a good reason Goosie and Bonkers aren’t in their bowl…”


“Yes, Daddy?”


I cleared my throat. “Well, here’s the thing…they’re not in their bowl because they…”


“They what, Daddy?” He blinked his soft lashes at me. “What did Goosie and

Bonkers do?”


Damn, I couldn’t do it! I blurted out, “They ran away!”


I felt guilty lying to him, but I breathed a sigh of relief when he said, “I guess they wanted to go home.”


Did you ever lie to a child? Confession, they say, is good for the soul.

28 comments:

  1. Ohh, I am sorry.
    I don't know actually but I reckon you did what you could.

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  2. Parenthood brings its joys and sorrows, and the occasional story that is only funny after the fact. Well told.

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  3. Awww, but you both are tender hearted parents, which goes a long way. Good story!

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  4. You were wrong to say that. They swam away.

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  5. Aww. Poor CJ. Parents lie all the time, don't they? I'm on CJ's side here.

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  6. Too bad you didn't think of that excuse to start with and saved yourself some money. We used to have cats outside. I'm not sure how many that "ran away" or were "abducted" by our migrant worker neighbors actually died. I suppose only my parents know where all the bodies are buried.

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  7. Mm, well, it's sort of true. When I say something's worn out, like the vacuum cleaner, I'll sometimes say it's "gone home". (Maybe this is just an English thing./)

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  8. I'm sure I've fibbed a time or two, but it was always in a kind-hearted way, just like your example. Things such as telling her she's athletic when she couldn't catch a ball if you handed it to her...things like that. It's just what parents do. :)

    S

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  9. Nobody is immune to the innocent face of a child when it's time to bring bad news. I just can't help and think of all the poor fish that went down in "Flushageddon."

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  10. Yep, I've lied to a child. My son many years ago and it involved a pet too. My bad.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  11. Another charming story. It's interesting that CJ, who could distinguish between the original Goosie and Bonkers never noticed when you replaced them several times and never questioned when told that they "ran away." I believe CJ may have been doing a little lying, too...to himself. :)

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  12. Yes I have heard of this pet shop scam many times. They never mention that Gold fish on top of the TV set have a tendency to die of frustration due to being unable to see the picture.

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  13. Great story. I promise not to call the ASPCA on you!

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  14. Yes. My husband bought a cute black and white bunny at the auction. He decided that Buck didn't need to be cooped up in a rabbit hutch all the time. So he built him a run inside some dog fence. Gave him a hollow log to hide in and everything. Of course, Buck tunneled out within a day. We saw him around the barn area for about a week. Then my husband saw that the dogs had finally caught Buck, and dispatched him to the big rabbit hutch in the sky. he burned the remains down by the creek. We told our 12-year-old that Buck must have found a girlfriend, and was off making black and white wild bunnies with her. The older boy has been threatened within an inch of his life to NEVER divulge the secret to his tender-hearted brother.

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  15. Too cute. Of course we lie to kids all the time (Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy) and as Linda said, they lie to themselves also.. especially when they get to the age of not believing.. but wannabelieve.

    But really, were you not curious as to WHY these little finned friends were dying off so quickly?

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  16. Good read. Fortunately ours died when my kids were old enough to uunderstand that their fish had gone to the big fish n chip shop in the sky :)

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  17. I never told a lie more than was necessary! Did you ever find out how you were killing your fish?;-)

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    Replies
    1. I completely understand... how does one explain death to a child? BTW was there something wrong with the water that led to the very quick demise of Goosie and Bonkers I,II, & III?

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  18. Oh my god, that is hilarious. Proof that kids will believe what they want to believe, no matter what you tell them.

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  19. Hahahahaha- that was awesome- and totally unexpected.
    Nice job-

    Tracy

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  20. That was a very funny read. And nicely set up. We used to have gerbils (I called them rats, but it wasn't technically the case - call it a psychological thing). One of them died because our son took him out of the cage and whirled him round and round by his tail. It had a stroke. No surprise there.

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  21. Thanks everyone for taking time to comment. I'm beginning to feel like a monster because of all the comments on why I didn't bother to figure out why these fish were dying. I guess I just panicked, or I didn't have much faith in something that only cost a dime apiece, to start with. Today I've wised up enough to realize that the top of a TV isn't the best place to put a fish bowl. Besides, all of our TVs are now flat screens so fish can breathe a sigh of relief.

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  22. Not really. Been told many times that I'm painfully honest--LOL!
    Sounds to me like, if you were dechlorinated the water, that you were probably heating up the water on top of a hot TV till they had no oxygen left. ;)

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  23. Kids want to believe what you tell them. When my kids were old enough to start asking questions about Santa, I gained a year or so by asking them back, "Well, what do YOU believe?" This in turn, was met with huge sighs of relief, a sound "Yes!" and bright eyes.

    I have a friend whose fish died of a heart attack when he opened his front door and the sudden bright light literally scared the fish to death.

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  24. They ran away. :-) Why I oughta...

    Nicely done, Stephen.

    Pearl

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  25. haha...my kids took care of the neighbors fish when the neighbors went on vacation.....you know the rest of the story....

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  26. What a lovely, lovely post and a moment none of you will forget. Have a marvelous day.

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