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Saturday, April 28, 2012

Food For Thought


I notice that many bloggers like to write about food. I don’t follow this trend, but a fellow blogger recently asked for advice on ordering the perfect hamburger. This got me thinking about the two problems I face when dining out.


First, breakfast is Mrs. Chatterbox’s favorite meal. She cooks most of our meals but on occasion I’ll whip up one of my specialties, like egg omelets with linguica (a Portuguese sausage similar to chorizo) but on weekends she likes to let strangers prepare our breakfasts. Looking at me, you might be inclined to think I eat everything and anything; you’d be wrong. I can’t eat a fried egg unless the yolk is dippy. If you can stand a fork in a fried egg, I can’t eat it. The yolk turns into cement in my mouth and I can’t swallow. If I order ham and eggs over easy, the yolks are usually rubbery enough for a game of jacks. If I ask for eggs over very easy, they often come raw as a hangover remedy. To avoid sending eggs back most of the time, I order them scrambled. I’m not fond of scrambled eggs.


Second: I have difficulty ordering steaks in restaurants. I love steak, and for me it must be grilled with a pink center. Inevitably when ordering a steak, the server will ask, “How would you like it cooked?”


I’ll say, “I’d like it pink in the center.”


The server will say, “You want it medium rare.”


I’ll repeat, “I want it pink in the center.”


Mrs. Chatterbox, who isn’t picky about such things, usually rolls her eyes and says, “Just order rare or medium rare and be done with it.”


But when I order rare it comes oozing blood, and when I order medium rare all of the juice (i.e. flavor) is cooked out of it. If I complain the server says something like, “That’s the way were cook medium rare here.”


How do you argue with that? So I prefer to tell the server, “I want my steak grilled with a hint of pink in the middle.”


“You want it medium rare.”


“I don’t care what you call it, just so long as I see pink!”


I usually see pink before my overcooked steak arrives—Mrs. Chatterbox’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment.


*Update:

Those of you who’ve read Single Ply Miracle will be happy to know that Mrs. C. has tired of the game and is no longer stocking my bathroom with single ply. After writing this post I visited my personal sanctuary and used up the last of the cheap toilet paper. Now I’m sitting pretty and treating myself to double ply, and because I’m worth it—quilted.

25 comments:

  1. I don't like fried eggs with the yokes hard, either. Mr. Eva loves to eat breakfast out; me, not so much. But I do love the sweet potato pancakes at the Cracker Barrel once in a while.

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  2. I used to waitress and I am also picky about eggs and steaks (I don't eat meat anymore, but when I did) so I felt bad for people who couldn't get what they ordered when you have a poor, lazy, or new cook. (Just so long as they didn't blame it on or take it out on the waitress.) A good cook will get it just right. And will know pink in the middle. ;)
    Glad you have graduated to two ply--LOL!

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  3. I like my steak just a little more than pink -- with a bit of juice. And it sounds like we like eggs the same consistency -- but my favourite way is poached. It's always an adventure trying to get these things right at home -- never mind a restaurant!

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  4. I like my eggs the same way! Yum-
    Glad to hear the TP incident is over with-I shared your story with some friends up here in Portland and they howled!

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  5. My boys love their fried eggs with a runny yolk. They dip toast into it. And they report that store-bought eggs do not compare to those fresh out of our chickens. The yolks pale in comparison. Ours are a deep orange with a robust flavor.

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  6. I don't like eating eggs without toast. It's just the texture of eggs by themselves I don't like. I love my steak a little pink too. One of my sisters likes hers that way too but the other likes it scorched as does my brother. Different strokes I guess.

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  7. My Sweetie used to have the same problem with steaks at restaurants. Being a former sous chef, he thought about it and realized that restaurants put the just cooked steak on a hot plate, sometimes even a metal plate in a wooden base, right after it comes off the grill. Thus it continues cooking after being removed from the fire.

    So he tells the server to please have the chef cook it medium rare and put it on a cold plate right away. By the time it gets to him, it may not be blisteringly hot (which he hates anyway, calling such food served that way "lava"), but it is still pink in the middle.

    Enjoy your nice toilet paper.

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  8. You can never be perfect on those restaurants but I do believe it will be difficult to cook those steak that are pink in the center. If you got some pics sothat I can have an idea. I love to barbecue and having pink in the center is the thing I'm not able to do.

    Rose

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  9. Now I have different tastes. I don't really care for steak unless I cook it. Then I know when it's pink inside. I don't really care for eggs from the store. I like free range chicken eggs. I don't like fish from the store. I like fish right out of the water. So this old farm boy has to hold his nose and eat a lot of stuff he doesn't like.

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  10. You and I are freakily alike in so many ways. I, too, like my fried eggs with runny yolks, but since getting them that way when I'm out is iffy I usually just play it safe and order scrambled. And my steaks...I refer to it as "medium...that means a warm, pink center". They seem to understand that and I'm usually not disappointed.

    Enjoy that quilted double ply. ;)

    S

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  11. But you didn't say anything about the hamburgers. The best hamburger I've ever had is one 'with the lot' as they prepare them in Oz...that means all the usual plus beetroot, bacon AND a soft yolk fried egg. This should all be placed on a bun drizzled with Thousand Island dressing. I defy anyone not to find themselves in heaven after tasting one of these beauties...don't be smart...not THAT kind of heaven puhleez. Smiles - Astrid

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  12. I like mine medium rare and will order them medium when the restaurant is busy because they will then arrive undercooked and thus medium rare, just the way I like them.

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  13. We only eat eggs very infrequently now, but about the only way I can is hard boiled. I used to not be so picky. I guess aging narrows the options.

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  14. I had a friend who always ordered hie eggs "soft scrambled" and was never happ with how they came back. To thos day i have no kdea what soft scrambled means.

    Cranky Old Man

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  15. "...and because I'm worth it..." Still chuckling.

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  16. I remember eating a hard boiled egg whole as a child. It was the last time I ever did I thought the yolk would choke me. I suppose you have to learn these things.

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  17. I'm a bit fussy about eggs too - "runny not snotty" is my typical instruction.

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  18. I love love love to cook! my food is better than the fancy restaurants so everyone has low expectations when we go out and end up being delightfully easy to please.

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  19. I am slow getting over here but...I agree with Mrs. Chatterbox, breakfast is my favorite meal. Not necessarily making it but my favorite to eat. I am a good cook and enjoy cooking anything, anytime.

    As for the eggs...I always order them scrambled as well. I actually don't care if they are overcooked but RUNNY makes me ill.

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  20. I guess I'm not very picky about my food. I don't eat steak, so the question of pink, medium, rare, etc. is not an issue, and breakfast is the one meal that I very rarely eat out.

    I do think that if you pay good money for your meal, you should be entitled to get what you ordered.

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  21. There's only one reason to have a fried egg and that's on super crispy hashbrowns - NO KETCHUP. I'm with you, I'll take chorizo or linguica anyday.

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  22. I don't write about food because every food-related word makes me gain ten pounds.

    Love,
    Janie

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  23. I'd eat eggs raw if I could pick them up with a spoon or fork. Just saying. As for steak I go for the pink too. Medium rare around here is right behind rare in red/pink.

    Glad you are using the good toilet paper again. Don't want you to get a rash or anything.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  24. Breakfast at any time of the day is lovely. Pink steak is a must.

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  25. We must have been twins separated at birth. I can't get eggs or meat cooked right to save my life. I have to order my eggs "over medium, WHITES MUST BE DONE OR I HAVE TO SEND IT BACK" and that has worked the best so far.

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