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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Thirty Years In Waiting


Most people visiting our home don’t notice it, not that I’m surprised. I myself am inclined to disregard these unless they are on a wall in a doctor’s office, behind a surgeon discussing how he is going to slice me open. Then I check to be sure the document didn’t come from the Caribbean, embossed with a picture of Bob Marley. I’m talking about college diplomas.


I got to thinking about mine because a friend recently blogged that, while attending his graduation ceremony, he was surprised to receive an empty folder. His diploma had yet to be printed. He was unaware that colleges and universities pull this stunt as a precaution against students flunking their senior finals. My friend passed his finals with flying colors, and I hope he doesn’t have to wait long to receive his diploma. I waited thirty years for mine.


I graduated from UCLA on June 29, 1974. I didn’t attend my graduation ceremony because another event took precedence over my graduation; this was the day Mrs. Chatterbox and I were married, the only date available at the golf club where Mrs. C’s folks were members and where they wanted to hold our reception. Since UCLA was hundreds of miles south of San Mateo where we were to wed, and since I couldn’t be in two places at the same time, I was a no-show at my graduation.


To be honest, I never felt like I passed up much. Had I attended, I would have stood with thousands of others, waved my mortarboard cap for a minute or two and sat down. We graduates weren’t even going to be permitted to stroll across a stage. Besides, I was an art major and I figured (correctly as it turned out) that diplomas didn’t matter. Portfolios containing high quality art were all that galleries or advertising agencies cared about.


The decades came and went without me thinking much about my diploma, but after years of marriage the well of gift-giving ideas often runs dry. Mrs. C, who is one of the most generous people on Earth, was struggling to find a gift for my fiftieth birthday. Then an idea popped into her head.


So there I was on my fiftieth birthday, imagining myself as a tree and thinking about all those rings that would be visible if someone chopped me down, when my wife placed a package on my lap. It was shaped like artwork but she never bought me art, claiming it would be like bringing coals to Newcastle. I was baffled. I tore off the wrapping paper. In my hands, beautifully framed—my college diploma.


It was one of the few times in my life when I was speechless. “You ordered a copy of my diploma?” I asked.


“No,” she said. “That’s your actual diploma. I called UCLA about having a copy made and they said it wasn’t necessary. They had all unclaimed diplomas from the time the University opened in 1882. They were happy to mail me your diploma, and they didn’t even charge me anything.”


I studied the document carefully, noticing Governor Ronald Reagan’s signature on it, probably just a stamp but still cool. In beautiful calligraphy it proclaimed my bachelor’s degree in Painting, Sculpture and Graphic Arts. I overlooked the fact that over the years I’d lied shamelessly about my major to suit my purposes. If I was in a hot and heavy philosophical discussion with someone I’d fib and claim Philosophy was my college major. The same with Politics or History. Now it would be hard to lie about my major with this diploma hanging on the wall for all to see.


Just before beginning this post I was reading an article on Yahoo that listed the five most worthless college degrees. First and foremost was any degree having to do with Fine Arts. This might be the first time in my life I’ve figured at the top of any list. But worthless? Hardly. I may not have thought much of my diploma when I graduated, but thirty years later it hangs on my wall as a testament to my wife’s love and devotion.


Besides, the last time I was in the Caribbean I bought a few fake diplomas for twenty bucks. They look cheesy, having been printed in a rusty van by a Bob Marley look-a-like, but I’ve won a few arguments with them.

41 comments:

  1. While i haven't read the article, i can imagine majoring in the things i did, English Lit, History, and Religious Studies, also makes the list. These are the kind of degrees that qualify you to ask people if they want fries with their order.

    That joke aside, it's not the degree so much as did you learn how to learn, and are you adaptable to the marketplace.

    You did well because you pass both of those.

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  2. If that Yahoo article is the same one I read it was about Master's degrees, not Bachelor's degrees. Anyway, my degree is sitting in its red folder on my bookshelf because I don't see any point bragging about graduating from a crappy Division 2 school.

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  3. I think that is lovely! Mrs. C is very thoughtful and the most treasured gifts are the ones with the most thought behind them. On a similar note, my dad and I bought my mom her college ring when she became a dean of that college (I was in college at that point). Funniest part was that she went into the bookstore and ordered the same ring soon after we did - so the bookstore called us in a panic. It all worked out and she still wears it almost 30 years later.

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  4. My diploma is still in the envelope it came in. I never considered displaying it. I may dig it out.

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  5. ha. This is a WONDERFUL post! YAY you!

    My boys just graduated from HS, and they, too, received an empty folder when they walked across the stage. Their diplomas were held hostage backstage to make sure they returned their "honor" cords before leaving. Ha.

    Oh well. At least they graduated.

    Enjoy your diploma!

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  6. I don't even know her, but I love your wife...if you lived near she would be one of my BFFs! I love the way she thinks! Re the diploma, I was 47 years old when I finally got my degree. I wanted to go to college my whole life and had dabbled at liberal studies over the years...when I finally decided to go back and finish it, the cirriculum had changed so much that I had to switch majors in order to finish before I was 90 (no paper mill college for Laurel!). I already had a corporate accounting job that paid handsomely, so I chose Economics because it was the major with the most classes at night. I "walked" for my graduation ceremony at Arco Arena(crying the whole time I might add)...ask me today if I can interpret a demand curve...talk about worthless! But I did frame it and it hangs above my sewing machine. (huh???) Your Art degree today gives credence to the efforts that you have put into your craft over the years...you "studied" art and oh, by the way, you can actually "do" it too...your wife is precious to have done that for you.

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  7. Wow, what a great thing for your wife to do! She sounds pretty amazing!

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  8. Well that's just really cool that she got it all framed and gussied up for you. Mrs. Chatterbox loves you so much if she is in touch with your inner unvoiced desires to this extent. I wish I had someone in my life that paid that much attention to me. You are truly blessed sir.

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  9. My wonderful wife of, then, 3 months surprised me with my diploma beautifully framed. It wasn't 37 years after the fact and I hadn't foregone the ceremony for one's true love, so it lacked the same dramatic impact, but it was a lovely feeling nonetheless. I've BOTH my diplomas hidden in the closet now, having moved, which suggests Russian and Digital Arts might be number 2 and 3 on that list of most worthless degrees.;)

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  10. Your wife is a sweetheart. . .

    I went to my BS commencement (that's my degree, not my assessment of the ceremony); it was OK, but I mostly went because my parents drove five hours to be there. My actual diploma arrived in the mail a couple weeks later. When I got my MS, I'd have gone to commencement if I could've kept the hood, but only the PhD guys got to buy their hoods; the Master's folks could only rent 'em. So, I skipped it; and my diploma arrived in the mail a couple weeks later.

    I used to claim that I had a minor in Applied Math, to go along with my Mechanical Engineering major. And not without justification, since I ended up with more math credits than my Math major roommate. But, in point of actual fact, there was no such thing as a minor, in Applied Math or anything else. So I stopped saying anything about it.

    In my field, the actual degree/diploma probably means a tad more than it does in yours. Years ago, my previous employer instituted a policy that all their engineers had to have degrees. So a group of older guys, who'd been doing their jobs for decades, but had never actually earned a degree in engineering, suddenly had to scramble to complete some kind of mail-order degree program (OK, it wasn't really mail-order, but almost), in order to keep their jobs. Ridiculous. . .

    See, 'cuz you're right - once you're actually on the job, nobody much cares about your diploma. . .

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  11. Oh dear, I am still distracted by how many rings I would have if someone chopped me down.
    And just forget about that list...the world needs more artists, especially funny ones.

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  12. Well done Mrs. C...you're an amazing woman! As to degrees, I got mine in English Lit. and American History when I was...ahem...a very senior student...well, okay, 54. When my friends asked me why did I bother..the question confused me. Why? Because I love learning and was unable to attend college until later in life. Can't figure out why that's so hard to understand.

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  13. How very thoughtful of your wife and a most interesting story too! At least it is interesting to a degree................Sorry couldn't help the pun! :)

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  14. The perfect gift for the man who has everything, including a library of fake diplomas--LOL! ;)

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  15. You just made me look at my diploma with this post. I have a Bachelor of Science in Business Management. Lots and lots of math, and after that more math. Algebra, statistics, and then there was more math.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  16. What a great gift idea! My husband didn't walk either since those sentimental ceremonies are only for emotional-type humans. And clearly, as an engineer, he doesn't qualify. :)

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  17. I have diplomas in Theology, History, International Commerce and Kipling (or THICK for short!)

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  18. Hee, hee! Mine is in Physical Education! Of course, my college was a stickler for the strong science background. So the students who couldn't hack Kinesiology, Exercise Physiology, and Biomechanics switched their major to Recreation. And are probably earning a lot more now than I am now, even with my Biology minor.

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  19. what a great thing for her to do!!

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  20. What a sweet, thoughtful, beautiful gift.

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  21. I majored in English. I'm pretty worthless and proud of it.

    Love,
    Janie

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  22. I think Mrs. C passed with honors in getting you that birthday gift. Congratulations to both of you.

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  23. Great story and you managed to include opinion about the value of college degrees and fine arts in particular.
    I went to the graduation for my first degree and it was disappointing. I do not remember much about it. My second degree I just ticked off the no show part. I don't know where my certificates are.

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  24. Hmmm...just wondering how long it would have taken for you to get your marriage license had you chosen to show up at the graduation ceremony instead of the wedding ceremony. ;-)

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  25. Now that is a way cool gift. And you made the best choice on that day-

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  26. That was a very thoughtful gift! I went to my graduation as did my Daddy, my husband and my four children. It was a testament to all of them. I was in my thirties & all of them had helped me along the journey and thought that it belonged to them as well. A diploma might be worthless but the knowledge gained & USED (if it is usable) is priceless. A good spouse is priceless as well, far beyond rubies!

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  27. In my opinion, NO Diploma is a useless Diploma. You may not have to physically have the piece of paper in your possession,but without it, no matter what the degree is, so many doors are bolted shut to you.
    Getting the actual diploma for you was a very nice gift. Your wife did well!

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  28. Your post makes me want to look at my diploma. BTW I was amazed to learn so many people never collect their diploma.

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  29. You have a clever wife. .... Sheeeesh! These girls really put us to shame when it gets to being thoughtful

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  30. what a thoughtful gift. that's a lovely story.

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  31. That is very cool that Mrs. C. and UCLA did that.

    I've heard stories of schools dispersing diplomas with major typos like "on your graduataion." That shows how much they're worth, at least as an entertaining collector's item.

    xoRobyn

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  32. I graduated "in abstentia" too. Still, I framed my diploma just to prove to myself and everyone else I could actually stick with something...anything...for 4 years. Ms. C is one thoughtful woman! :)

    S

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  33. oh my gosh!!! great minds think alike!!! I also ordered my husbands diploma for a birthday gift...because he missed graduation too.
    a fine arts degree has many uses. blogging, for example.

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  34. Art worthless....pooey I think NOT! My long awaited art degree was finally earned sortly before I turned 50- better later than never. Got a BFA in Photography....best thing I ever did for myself as it was a hell of a lot of fun taking all those studio classes and of course the usual prereq's.
    Not to mention all the great people I have met since then because of going back to school! The diploma is somewhere in a box. Cheers!

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  35. Nice story. Reminds me of a scene in the Jerk, where Steve Martin opens the phone book to find his name listed. "I'm somebody, I'm somebody!" The day I went to get my college diploma, my 1977 Chevy Vega decided to die half way to the destination. An omen of things to come.

    Now at age 53, with two college degrees, a CPA license, securities license, insurance license, financial planning license and host of other wall hangings, I reflect back on all the effort. Maybe I should have become an auto technician. Today you have to be a computer scientist to keep a car running.

    Keep chattering!

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  36. Kudos to Mrs. C for the gift! I think my Mom has my diploma displayed in the den. I was happy to get it at the time, once I was able to work out the problems... (I had missed some item, and was given a blank diploma, until said problem was fixed. I bawled through the ceremony. Meh.) Husband wanted to marry me the day after I graduated, I told him no. (I told him I wanted to finish college before I married, he thought that was great.) We ended up getting married about 2 weeks after I graduated. I still don't remember much but having lots of running around getting ready... And fixing my dang mistake...

    Cat

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  37. Wow, your wife is far about the average person in thoughtfulness. No degree is worthless to the person as a whole. I understand one may need to be lucky and creative to get a good paying job with some of them. I love this story.

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  38. What an awesome gift from your wife. You sounded very happy in your post.

    I am your newest follower.

    Beth

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  39. A very enjoyable read on a Sunday morning. And it's always so good to learn of marital bliss and spousal devotion of many decades.

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  40. Awww! What a great choice you made that day!

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  41. That's soo very thoughtful of your wife !! The post leaves me touched !
    A very wonderfully written post....here's your newest follower ;) !

    http://shonazee.blogspot.in/

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