Let’s
start on a high note: Did you know that in addition to being an engineer,
inventor, philosopher and painter, Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) was also a
comedian? In his day he was considered quite the cut-up on the comedy circuits
of the Renaissance. Here’s a genuine five hundred year old Leonardo joke taken
from one of his notebooks:
A wealthy patron
asked a famous artist, “How is it that you create such beautiful paintings but the
children you create are so ugly?” The artist replied, “It’s because I create my painting in
the bright light of day but I create my children at night, in the dark.”
I know what advice
you’d give Leonardo: Don’t quit your day job! Well, I have a confession to
make, I also dabble at joke writing, not that I’ve shared my efforts with
anyone. I’m toying with the thought of adding a new feature to Chubby
Chatterbox called DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. I intend to post a few of my humble attempts at
humor. My hope is that people will find these, if not funny, at least amusing.
I also hope people will improve on them by making them funnier with their
comments whenever possible—which will be most of the time. Please note: any
improvement to my jokes will be promptly stolen. Also, any jokes belittling
Mrs. Chatterbox are purely the result of my feverish imagination and have no
basis in reality, but Mrs. Chatterbox wants it known that jokes belittling my
mother are totally accurate. Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, here
we go:
#1 I didn’t graduate from Mime College.
They withdrew my diploma when they offered it to me
and I said, “Thank you.”
#2 Has it occurred to anyone that at
least some ladybugs must be
cross-dressers?
#3 My wife just can’t understand
evolution. Every time I try and explain it she throws
bananas at me.
#4 I traded my soul to the devil for
eternal youth. That’s why I’m a wrinkled sixty year old man with acne.
#5 My wife is hard to please. She sent me
to the store for a can of alphabet soup. How was I supposed
to know she wanted the Cyrillic alphabet?
#6 If Jesus appeared today, Republicans
would ask to see his birth certificate. (Inspired by
the fabulous Eva Gallant at Wrestling with Retirement.)
I
know what you’re thinking: Don’t quit your day job, Chubby Chatterbox!
