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Friday, November 9, 2012

Birthday #60

  
Mrs. Chatterbox is slightly older than me; she turned 60 three weeks ago. Since then I’ve pretended I was a younger man consorting with a cougar. But yesterday was my birthday. Now I’m S-I-X-T-Y, and taking solace in a post I wrote back in my younger days, when I was a mere 59:
      
There are benefits to not being good with numbers and I’m reaping one right now. I thought this was the year I hit the big 60 but I now realize it’s only my fifty-ninth birthday, which I thought I’d celebrated last year. Because I have difficulty accessing that part of my brain where mathematics lurks like a creepy spider I get another year before leaving behind my fifties. Twelve months that I thought I’d spent but hadn’t. Quite a gift, but what should I do with it?
     
Those who know me well have little difficulty believing me capable of such a mistake. In school I was a dullard at math; numbers were just beginning to make sense when the government instigated something called “New Math,” to help us compete with the Russians, who’d recently launched Sputnik and were about to take over the world and make us drink vodka and eat stinky black fish eggs.
      
Actually, people tell me I look much younger than I am. Either they’re just being nice or there are benefits to having a fat face—fat puffs out the wrinkles. If I start losing weight I’ll look like a deflating zeppelin. But there’s another reason I’m often mistaken for someone younger: I possess a disarming sense of immaturity that is so rare in one my age that it’s often mistaken for youth. In short, I’m childish, and I work hard at staying that way.
      
I ended the post last year with this paragraph: 
    
So what should I do with this extra year? Skydiving? The only way to get me to jump
out of a plane is to set it on fire. Learn another language? I haven’t mastered or done much with this one. Oh wait, of course! I know what I’ll do, if I can summon the nerve. I’ve never done anything like it before and it will be f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c….
      
Last year I did manage to accomplish my goal of doing something fantastic and I’d love to tell you what it was, but as many of you know my wife and son both work for the local police department. Many of our men in blue read Chubby Chatterbox. I can’t admit what I did because technically…it wasn’t legal.

  

30 comments:

  1. Happy birthday Mr. Chatterbox! Now I really want to know what shenanigans you were up to.

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  2. we're you disrobing in a wagon again? Or trading with pirates?!?! Ooops, don't answer that! Happy Birthday!

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  3. I bet you've been loitering underneath "no loitering" signs. It's okay, you can tell me. I live in a different country so the authorities won't get the information out of me.

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  4. Happy Birthday!! I hope your day was great. My hubby is a few months younger than me and, like you, gets plenty of mileage out of those few months each year.

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  5. Happy birthday, but it's just mean of you to tease us in this manner. I'm conjuring up all manner of illegal things in my mind.....

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  6. ♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
    ♪♪Happy Birthday to you,♪♪
    ♪♪Happy Birthday Dear Chubby Chatterbox,♪♪
    ♪♪Happy Birthday to you.♪♪

    I celebrated my 61st birthday in September.

    Illegal? Shame on you.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  7. Happy Birthday to the both of you. I hope that I can maintain some essence of childish youth as I slide into the golden years. ;)

    I've gotten to the point where if somebody asks me my age, I have to do the math because I've forgotten the number. I do however wish I had your gift of youthful appearance. I fear I look closer to 60, at 44, than you do actually being 60. Well done!

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  8. Ooh, now I'm really curious (which clearly was your intention). You jay-walked, didn't you? Rebel!

    Happy birthday!

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  9. Great!! You end with an intrigue and leave us hanging!! Oh well, I did the same thing for years by telling people I was a year older than I actually was. I wasn't doing it on purpose, I just didn't care about my age. I then hit the age for medicare and I seem to have lost that unique vagueness.

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  10. Happy Birthday to you and a belated one to Mrs.Hayes! I'm sure your day was great, but have an even better weekend..[legally of course]!!!! lol

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  11. Hello Stephen:
    Happy Birthday to you. One does begin to wonder just where all the years are flying by to. After all, one really is still in one's thirties at heart....or perhaps even younger. Whatever, we hope that you will enjoy a happy year!!

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  12. Happy birthday!!! Well, you'll have to write a secret blog post or something to somehow let us know what it was you did without the po-po finding out. I hit the big 5-1 on Tuesday, and while I did speed (I do everyday) I think that was the only illegal thing I did that day-

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  13. I was born 78 years ago & I am 36 years old. Perhaps this excerpt from one of my posts earlier this year will explain this:

    Blake (my youngest son) was 49 this year. I am 36. The best way to explain this anomaly is to tell you about something that I read in one of Kirk Douglas’ books. A “senior” movie actress was being interviewed. The reporter said, “Forgive me, Madame, but I have to ask. Your son (who was also a star) admits to being 56. You claim to be 63. How can this be?” Her answer (& mine): “He has his life—I have mine!”

    Happy birthday to you & Mrs. C!!

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  14. Happy big 60, Stephen. Long may you remain immature!

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  15. Oh, that is so frustrating, I hate secrets (other peoples') ....but I'm glad it was fun!

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  16. Happy birthday Stephen! But there's no point in fibbing about the years...I used to tell everyone I was 39 year after year...until my daughter turned 40...then I told everyone she was adopted. But after a while it just doesn't work anymore ...sigh...:)

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  17. I wish you a happy birthday. I also hope that you and your wife stay healthy for many decades to come, that your minds stay sharp, and that your love for each other never end.

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  18. happy happy birthday!!! many more of them too.

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  19. Happy birthday!! Maybe you can write the fantastic adventure in third person like "this may be a true story or may not" or something like that.

    Regardless, enjoy the day and your new year of life ahead!

    betty

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  20. Well , important things fist. Happy birthday! I can tell you , "Sixty ain't bad." And for that matter neither is 73.
    Now I'm not sure about the technically illegal stuff if you don't want the fuzz to know about it?

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  21. Man, you are one old dude. I'm a slightly sprightly youngster of 53. Happy Birthday, Old Dude. Is it possible that your last name is actually Lebowski?

    Love,
    Janie

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  22. Happy birthday to you
    You belong in a zoo
    You look like a monk...

    *ducks thrown shoe*

    Happy Birthday!!!

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  23. Happy Birthday Stephen, whatever it was that you did I hope it was so fantastic that the boys in blue reading your blog will never figure it out :)

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  24. Only sixty? You're still a callow young fellow!

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  25. Happy Birthday. If your illegal escapade involved the wacky tobaccy, you can now seek refuge in Washington or Colorado. I'm sure they would take you in.

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  26. See.....there's that math thing, again! ;)

    Happy Birthday, mate! Party like a pirate!

    Mimi

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  27. Belated happy birthday Stephen, and any way who is counting..............?

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  28. Intriguing .... Happy birthday, Stephen. I've just entered a new decade too - 10 years behind you.

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  29. Happy Birthday! And how great that at least for a few weeks Mrs. C could say she was with a younger man ;)

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  30. Happy birthday to both of you! I got you beat--was 61 in March--LOL! So far, I'd have to say the 60s are great. Better than the 60s I lived through--ROFL! ;)

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