Don't Quit Your Day Job!

 

Let’s start on a high note: Did you know that in addition to being an engineer, inventor, philosopher and painter, Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) was also a comedian? In his day he was considered quite the cut-up on the comedy circuits of the Renaissance. Here’s a genuine five hundred year old Leonardo joke taken from one of his notebooks:

      

A wealthy patron asked a famous artist, “How is it that you create such beautiful paintings but the children you create are so ugly?” The artist replied, “It’s because I create my painting in the bright light of day but I create my children at night, in the dark.”

      

I know what advice you’d give Leonardo: Don’t quit your day job! Well, I have a confession to make, I also dabble at joke writing, not that I’ve shared my efforts with anyone. I’m toying with the thought of adding a new feature to Chubby Chatterbox called DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. I intend to post a few of my humble attempts at humor. My hope is that people will find these, if not funny, at least amusing. I also hope people will improve on them by making them funnier with their comments whenever possible—which will be most of the time. Please note: any improvement to my jokes will be promptly stolen. Also, any jokes belittling Mrs. Chatterbox are purely the result of my feverish imagination and have no basis in reality, but Mrs. Chatterbox wants it known that jokes belittling my mother are totally accurate. Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, here we go:

#1  I didn’t graduate from Mime College. They withdrew my diploma when they offered it to me and I said, “Thank you.”

#2  Has it occurred to anyone that at least some ladybugs must be cross-dressers?  

#3  My wife just can’t understand evolution. Every time I try and explain it she throws 

bananas at me.

#4  I traded my soul to the devil for eternal youth. That’s why I’m a wrinkled sixty year old man with acne.

#5  My wife is hard to please. She sent me to the store for a can of alphabet soup. How was I supposed to know she wanted the Cyrillic alphabet?

#6  If Jesus appeared today, Republicans would ask to see his birth certificate. (Inspired by the fabulous Eva Gallant at Wrestling with Retirement.)

I know what you’re thinking: Don’t quit your day job, Chubby Chatterbox!