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Sunday, September 16, 2012

Don't Quit Your Day Job!

 

Let’s start on a high note: Did you know that in addition to being an engineer, inventor, philosopher and painter, Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) was also a comedian? In his day he was considered quite the cut-up on the comedy circuits of the Renaissance. Here’s a genuine five hundred year old Leonardo joke taken from one of his notebooks:
      
A wealthy patron asked a famous artist, “How is it that you create such beautiful paintings but the children you create are so ugly?” The artist replied, “It’s because I create my painting in the bright light of day but I create my children at night, in the dark.”
      
I know what advice you’d give Leonardo: Don’t quit your day job! Well, I have a confession to make, I also dabble at joke writing, not that I’ve shared my efforts with anyone. I’m toying with the thought of adding a new feature to Chubby Chatterbox called DON’T QUIT YOUR DAY JOB. I intend to post a few of my humble attempts at humor. My hope is that people will find these, if not funny, at least amusing. I also hope people will improve on them by making them funnier with their comments whenever possible—which will be most of the time. Please note: any improvement to my jokes will be promptly stolen. Also, any jokes belittling Mrs. Chatterbox are purely the result of my feverish imagination and have no basis in reality, but Mrs. Chatterbox wants it known that jokes belittling my mother are totally accurate. Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, here we go:

#1  I didn’t graduate from Mime College. They withdrew my diploma when they offered it to me and I said, “Thank you.”

#2  Has it occurred to anyone that at least some ladybugs must be cross-dressers?  

#3  My wife just can’t understand evolution. Every time I try and explain it she throws 
bananas at me.

#4  I traded my soul to the devil for eternal youth. That’s why I’m a wrinkled sixty year old man with acne.

#5  My wife is hard to please. She sent me to the store for a can of alphabet soup. How was I supposed to know she wanted the Cyrillic alphabet?

#6  If Jesus appeared today, Republicans would ask to see his birth certificate. (Inspired by the fabulous Eva Gallant at Wrestling with Retirement.)


I know what you’re thinking: Don’t quit your day job, Chubby Chatterbox!         

30 comments:

  1. Don't quit your day job, and the last one was awful. I hate election years and this one has been going on since 2008.

    Have a terrific day. :)

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  2. Aww, come on Sandy. #6 was funny! I think #2 was my favorite, though.

    Good stuff, Steve. ;)

    S

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  3. Good news, I received today's post...THese are good jokes..how is your demenor and delivery?

    Did not get #6 at first...i'm a little slow...Actually I'm a Republican and I don't question Jesus' birth, I am a little suspecious about the signature of his father.

    Don't quit the day job, but don't give up on the jokes either!

    Cranky

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  4. Do you have a day job?

    One of my all time favorite one-liners is:
    "You're the reason evolution takes so long"
    One day I hope to be able to use it.

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  5. Quitting your day job is the funniest idea yet!! That said--these made me laugh!

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  6. Fascinating regarding Leonardo, all his talent and a sense of humor too. And thank you for sharing yours too Stephen, I had a big smile reading them, well done! :)

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  7. I am partial to the Mime College. It reminds me of Steven Wright. Or a more respectable Rodney Dangerfield.

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  8. I thought the evolution one would be throwing feces but you went the classy route with bananas.

    You have to go easy on da Vinci. I mean back then they didn't have our level of sophistication what with pull my finger jokes and such.

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  9. We certainly need more humor in this crazy world and I thank you!

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  10. I thought it was Ladybirds? ;)

    Okay let me know when you start writing the jokes.


    Sorry, joking! Kinda.

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  11. I liked jokes 1 and 2. I expect that I'll have an occasion to use the Mime College joke, because mimes are inherently funny to a few of my friends.

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  12. Yep, I think #6 is a favorite although I liked Da Vinci's joke the best. You certainly are multi-talented.

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  13. Now I wouldn't get picky over these jokes. It's certainly far better than what I could come up with. And besides I enjoy them.

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  14. You do make me smile with these. And shame on the Republicans.

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  15. fun. we could all use a little more lightness in our lives!

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  16. I think your jokes are funny, and the information about Leonardo was very interesting. I'd never heard about the Renaissance comedy circuit before.

    Love,
    Janie

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  17. I once stood in front of an audience and told a number of jokes.

    They all wagged their tails, so I assume they liked me!

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  18. You are definitely a man of many talents. As for the jokes ... they made me smile -- but I understand it's 'how you tell 'em'' The Da Vinci joke is the best. As for #6 -- are you sure that's a joke?

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  19. I liked #1 the best. I can relate to it as I attended Mime College myself. Unfortunately, I never made it to my graduation. My class mates trapped me in a transparent box that I couldn't escape from.

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  20. actually - i have to say that the davinci joke did elict a snorted "hunh" of laughter, so fair play to him as not many jokes as old as those could even manage that.

    Humour is very subjective though and what works with one audience may not work for another - i did a play some years ago where the first three nights a particular line got a laugh, so on the fourth night when i came to expect it and nothing happened it nearly made me go blank - the line never got a laugh for the rest of the run after that.

    Also - jokes written down and jokes told are very different beasts

    Still - you have got me wondering now about the ladybugs...

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  21. I always check out your blog especially when I need a laugh for the day and you never disappoint me :)

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  22. Um, yea, don't quit the day job. (as if I was any better)

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  23. Ha! can't wait to read more, excited for the Don't Quit Your Day Job!

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  24. I do enjoy this type of humor. I've always heard that if it doesn't produce a groan, it's not truly good. (So I guess these are truly good.) I had no idea you had a day job to quit.

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  25. I thought number three was the best and I think this is a great idea.

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  26. I can see the cross dressing lady bugs now Ha Ha looking forward to Don't Quit Your Day Job.

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  27. I'm wondering whether to mention this or not. . . Okay, here goes. (especially since I'm not the first to leave a comment) But I spent much of my years while married to my wasbund, wanting SO BADLY to be a stand-up comedian. Now I wish I hadn't admitted that. It really makes me sound whacko.

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  28. Just let Mrs. Chatterbox read my two posts on Evolution; they explain everything.

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  29. I was just trying to explain the lady bug thing to my son the other day--I got no where with it ;) Looking forward to this new feature!

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